My experience at 10 Downing Street. | TeamEllie

There is a lot of things I thought I would experience in my life such as Sky diving, meeting a celebrity and going to America. But I would have never thought I would get the honour to visit 10 Downing Street and meet the Prime Minister! I remember receiving the invitation and thinking "Is this real?". It was a great evening with amazing people and an amazing charity.

Approaching the 10 Downing Street door was an iconic moment for me because it seemed so unreal. It has always been something I have seen on TV, never would I have dreamed of being so close to the real thing. Entering 10 Downing Street immersed me into a hallway of grand chandeliers, beautifully painted ceilings, and walls filled with magnificent portraits of previous Prime ministers. Me and mum had to put our phones into a cabinet (No photography allowed in 10 Downing street) and we got our coats taken away. The service was great!

We entered a marvellous room filled with people mingling. It was quite overwhelming at first because I didn't know where to go or who to talk to. Through the crowd I spotted a young girl, I was happy there was another child too, so me and mum went over to them. This young girl, Kayla, was in fact the girl who appeared in the same Sarcoma Uk magazine as me and we had the same cancer too. We got on so well and hung out together for the rest of the evening. The atmosphere was great. We were looked after well with constant refills of drinks, and served with loads of different canapés - all of which me and mum couldn't eat because they contained meat! 

Halfway through the evening The Prime Minister, Theresa May, made her appearance! Me and Kayla were only a foot away from her! Firstly, an executive from Sarcoma Uk made a fantastic speech explaining the work 10 Downing Street have done for them. Secondly, Theresa May delivered her speech, she was a lot different to what I thought. She was very well-spoken and even added a bit of humour into her speech - I thought all politicians were supposed to be boring! It was a very so real moment. After Theresa finished her speech me, mum, Kayla and Kayla's dad got to have a picture with her. We told her that we were both suffering from childhood sarcomas. I really wanted to say my request to Theresa May to increase childhood cancer funding, but unfortunately I couldn't because soon enough she was whisked away by other people.

Theresa May wasn't there for long, but it was an unforgettable experience. Me and Kayla explored into other rooms and even sat on the same sofa that Obama once sat, and we did a handshake where the handshakes between political leaders happen. There was a room which had big portraits of Queen Elizabeth. There was also a room with a central table surrounded by cabinets of old books, and on the table was a phone, me and Kayla were tempted to give our friends a surprise when they got a call from 10 Downing Street, but we decided against it because we probably would get a big telling off!

The party came to an end and we went and got our things ready to go home. On the way out we saw 10 Downing Street's house cat called Larry, he was so cute and me and Kayla got to stroke him! When we got out, we took some photos outside the iconic 10 Downing Street door. It was a fabulous night and was definitely an experience of a lifetime!

To finish off this blog post I want to say a massive thank you to the charity Sarcoma Uk for inviting me, it was such an honour. Sarcoma Uk deserves all of this so much because they are an amazing charity which aims to change the prospect of survival for sarcoma patients. Sarcoma Uk helped me tremendously to deal with my Sarcoma.

This night was definitely a tick off the bucket list!

Thank you for reading.

Love Ellie xxx

What is maintenance chemotherapy?

On my social media I get a lot of queries and questions about my maintenance chemotherapy, as best as I try and explain it, it is still rather confusing, so I thought I would make a blog post all about it!

After completing 9 rounds of intensive chemotherapy and 28 sessions of radiotherapy, I started a year long maintenance chemotherapy regime. This consists of 12 cycles of chemotherapy: there are 4 weeks in each cycle, and I get chemotherapy via my port for 3 weeks of that cycle then a week off. This chemotherapy is called Vinorelbine. Also each morning I have to take an oral chemotherapy called Cyclophosphamide, unfortunately for me because my dosage doesn't come in tablets I have to have it in liquid - it tastes vile!!!!

My maintenance chemotherapy is going extremely well, I am feeling a lot better now and my hair is growing back. The start of maintenance chemotherapy had a lot of bumps in the road. Firstly, the radiotherapy was partly targeted at the bottom of my spine which is the part of the spine that replenishes blood, due to the radiotherapy that got damaged meaning my bloods aren't able to recover very well without support. One of the things that excited me about maintenance chemo was that I would no longer need GCSF injections (Injections that increase neutrophil count) - so I thought. After my first dose of maintenance chemotherapy I became neutropenic and my platelets dropped. This mean't I had to stop oral chemotherapy, I was off of it for 3 weeks because the doctors were waiting for my counts to rise but nothing happened. So I was forced back onto GCSF injections, I have them on a Monday-Wednesday-Friday routine.
Secondly, I am supposed to be on 100% dose of Vinorelbine but due to my platelet count dropping I am currently receiving 66% Vinorelbine. We have talked about increasing the dose to 80% but my consultant does not think it is a good idea. Of course this isn't the ideal situation as I would rather be receiving my maximum dose, but I want my body to stay well so it is for the best.

Not all Rhabdomyosarcoma patients receive maintenance chemotherapy. In England, you receive maintenance chemotherapy if you have stage 4 Rhabdomyosarcoma. This is because stage 4 rhabdomyosarcoma has a high relapse-rate. The maintenance chemotherapy is less harsh doses of chemotherapy that makes sure all the cancer cells that scans can't show are gone. Even though it is annoying that the maintenance chemotherapy adds nearly an extra year to your protocol, it is very important for stage 4 rhabdomyosarcoma patients because it helps keep the cancer away.

I am currently on my 9th out of 12 cycles of maintenance chemotherapy, I can definitely say that all of this treatment has taken a battering to my body. Most days I feel achy and tired, it is gradually getting worse as the cycles go on. Back in September I was able to do 2 full days at school pretty easily and not feel too bad. However, now I feel exhausted after 2 full days at school, all I can do is lay in bed. School is becoming more demanding so it will be hard to keep up with school and my fatigue, but I am determined to do as much as I can and fight through the aches and pains.

I hope this blog post has made you understand what maintenance chemotherapy is. If you are going through it or will be soon then stay strong and stay determined!

Thank you for reading!

Love Ellie xxx

How to cope with your cancer diagnosis

CANCER. I couldn't believe it. The shock was unreal. Why me? How could this happen to me? Why did this happen to me? Am I going to die? What will I look like bald? How are my family going to deal with this? Getting you cancer diagnosis is the scariest thing, because you really don't know what the future will hold, I sure didn't. When I got diagnosed with cancer I had many ways in which I coped with it, I want to give you my advice and tips.

All these possible outcomes and endless amount of questions fill your mind uncontrollably, it is hard to get away from them and it can make you feel very stressed. Right from the beginning I realised that there was no benefit in trying to think of what the future would hold for me, it only made me even more paranoid that I may not survive this fight. I stand by the words of my mum, she always told me "Live for today, don't worry about tomorrow.". This helped me a lot because it made me focus on the present and live everyday to the full.

Let people be there for you. Don't feel like you cancer diagnosis should be kept as a secret, it will only make it a bigger burden for you. Tell your loved ones and close friends, I am sure they will help you through this crazy journey and give you the support you need. One of the things I used to enjoy most during my intensive treatment was getting visitors, sitting around the house all day unable to go outside was extremely boring, so getting visitors was fun and would make me feel less lonely. During your cancer treatment you will more than likely not be able to go to school/work, so things get can really lonely sometimes, but having good company will cheer you up.

Positivity is the key! Positivity is hard to find when you possibly just got the worst news of your life, but feeling depressed will do you more harm than good. Having a positive mind helped me a lot, because it made me believe in myself and I was ready to fight my cancer no matter what. To feel more positive it is beneficial to focus on your family and friends, my family and friends helped me keep positive when I was feeling low and they were always there for me. Keep positive about your treatment, it may suck and make you feel bad, but just think of each chemotherapy/radiotherapy as another blow at the crappy cancer inside of you, I used to say to myself during chemo "Take that cancer!!!".

One of the best things that helped me cope with my cancer diagnosis was believing in myself. After I got my first chemo, which was a horrendous experience with a lot of complications, I should have felt depressed, but I just got on with it and I kind of realised that this was my life for now and I had to stay strong no matter what. When I got my head shaved and I looked in the mirror for the first time I didn't cry, I loved it, and I thought to myself "I look beautiful and I am ready to fight this!". Believing in yourself is one of the strongest mindsets to have, cancer is tough and it will be hard to stay strong all of the time, but as long as you remember that you are strong and brave you will be a strong cancer warrior and you will fight this cancer no matter what!

Cancer does not mean that this is the end. Think of cancer as the start of something new, you may not want it to happen, but fighting for your life will be a new chapter in your life. Before I got cancer I was your typical sporty teenager who loved school, but I had to stop all of that to fight for my life, and I actually call my fight 'My gap year', so I can put a positive spin on missing most of the school year. Getting cancer was a new start for me because it was a start of a new Ellie, I am still the old Ellie, but I have witnessed so many horrible things meaning that I can't be the same Ellie as I was before. I have realised the importance of life, what it takes to stay strong even when you feel like giving up, and I have been immersed into a new world which no person should ever have to go through. You are never the same after all of that.

I hope this blogpost has helped you cope with your cancer diagnosis. For those of you who have newly been diagnosed or are currently fighting, I wish you all the best and remember to stay strong.

Love Ellie xxx

Surely us kids deserve more than 1% Cancer Research Uk?

You see the cute cancer kids on the Cancer Research Uk adverts all over TV, but how much do we really benefit from it?

Out of a £404million budget, childhood cancer only received £5.5million research funding in 2015/16 from Cancer Research Uk. This equates to a measly 1.33% funding, it is so unfair and we deserve so much more!

Due to the lack of funding, we can’t afford to raise funds for life-saving research and new treatments that children with cancer desperately need. Therefore, children with cancer have to receive adult treatments which are so harsh on our small bodies that they cause long-term side effects, such as hearing loss and heart problems. And in some cases even death. This is NOT acceptable! 

Cancer research Uk are responsible for 60% of all kids cancer research taking place in the Uk. If they donated £5.5million in 2015/16 to childhood cancer research, our calculator tells us that overall, for the whole of the UK including all other research charities, childhood cancer gets less than £10million!

Cancer research UK, you are responsible for 60% of childhood cancer research, but giving us so little funding seems unresponsible to me. Face reality and help us kids, we deserve it as much as the adults!

I am very lucky to be NED. I am over the moon. However, I have stage 4 Alveolar Rhabdomyosarcoma, and that gives me a 50% chance of making it past the 5-year survival rate. It is hard to think about, because with more funding my perspective of survival could be much higher. What kind of childhood is it to have anxiety for every scan, to be scared that the cancer is going to come back? No child deserves this...

Essentially us kids are being featured on Cancer research Uk adverts to generate more donations that are unlikely to benefit us at all. Kids are supposed to be the future, but Cancer research Uk aren't raising enough funds to secure a future for children with cancer. Only 3 drugs have ever been developed for children's cancer, compared to hundreds upon hundreds of adult cancer drugs. Cancer research Uk, you need to step up and give children with cancer more funding, we matter too!

Please help children with cancer in the Uk by sharing this post, so we can raise more awareness to give children with cancer more than 1% and a better prospect of survival.

 We can beat childhood cancer together!

What it is like to have cancer as a teen.

Teens often think they are immortal, nothing bad could ever happen to them. So when the doctors said the word "Cancer", I was in a state of disbelief; I was never the ill kid, bad things didn't happen to me. I should be kissing boys, hanging out with friends, going to school and have no care in the world. Cancer took that away from me.

Having cancer as a teen is hard, as you are at that awkward stage in your life: you are young and still needing a lot of guidance, but you understand a lot about everything. Which is scary at times. Sometimes I wish I was a little kid, because they don't understand what cancer is and the risks that come with it. Not being able to understand cancer would be amazing, because you wouldn't get anxiety that it could come back, you wouldn't cry every time you think of how life used to be, and you wouldn't be scared to death of what the future holds. 

I am not sure about anyone else who received treatment as a teen, but it makes you feel a lot younger. It made me not feel like a teen anymore, it made me feel like a child, because I needed to be cared for 24/7 and I felt vulnerable without my mum. I used to call myself a 'big baby' because I was bald and being constantly looked after. It kind of sucked as your teenage years are supposed to be about freedom, but cancer locks you away.

HORMONES! If you are a teenager you have probably been referred to as the following: "grumpy", "moody" and "big attitude". Hormones plus stress, can bring out the worst in you. Just imagine what it is like for us cancer teens! We have a lot more stress than the average teenager, so at a time like this we can get extremely distressed. I used to get agitated quite a lot if things didn't go my way or I was tired. The hardest thing for me was the stress building up causing me to have anxiety and depression. It was a very dark time for me. I would not want to do much, I would lay in bed all day feeling depressed and I would be on edge all the time with the anxiety. I especially got tearful a lot, if I felt like someone was trying to start an argument with me, be mean or even mentioned something I didn't like; I would break down in tears. Teens with illnesses go through such a hard time, because they are naturally anxious anyways due to hormones, I can completely understand how tough it is.

The hardest thing for me was missing school. I was very liked at school and I enjoyed it so much. I was a librarian, school council, on the sports teams and I was in top sets. So when I wasn't able to do it anymore, it hit me so hard and I missed it greatly. I would look through my classmates' snapchat stories and see them having fun at school, it tore shreds into my heart when I looked at those snapchat stories, as that should have been me there enjoying school with my classmates, but instead I was locked away in hospital.

I used to always day dream about what I would be like and all the great things I would be doing if I didn't have cancer. I don't think about that anymore, because I like to make the most of the present. Yeah, I know Ive got cancer and that sucks a lot, but I have learn't to accept it and I have realised that the present me is more important than the Ellie who was never supposed to be.
I embrace the fact I have cancer, I am proud that I have cancer because it has made me the person I am today. It has made me realise my full potential: I CAN inspire others, I CAN write a blog, I CAN do youtube videos, I CAN beat cancer and I CAN do anything my heart wants me to do! It has made me realise that other people's judgements aren't necessary. I would have never of done a youtube video before, as I would be too scared of what other people would think. Please do the things that YOU want to do. Teenagers can experience a lot of pressure to do certain things and be a certain way, but don't stop your dreams because of the people around you.
Cancer has stolen my childhood and has forced me to mature quicker than the average teenager. Cancer has opened my eyes to the fact that your life could change for the worst in a click of a finger. It has made me realise that you need to live every second to the full, because you don't know when it could end. Cancer has made me realise that life is so precious. You need to do things for you, do things that you won't regret and help others.

Thank you for reading this blog post. Being a teen with cancer is tough at times, but we realise that all you can do is be strong and pull through. Spreading love to all the Teen cancer warriors and survivors out there!

Ellie xxx

We NEED chemotherapy specifically for children!

We need your help to raise funds so we can create less harsh chemotherapy treatments for children. Children with cancer are receiving toxic adult chemotherapies which are so harsh on our small bodies they cause long term side effects, such as hearing loss and heart problems. But in Sydney's case the chemotherapy actually killed her.

Sydney was a very loving person, she was your typical teen - she loved surfing, hiking and painting. She was truly beautiful inside and out, she would light up the room when she came in.
Sadly, Sydney's family learn't on November 3rd 2015 that Sydney had Burkitts lymphoma, 3 large tumours were found in her abdominal area. Immediately Sydney started her first out of 6 rounds of chemotherapy. Sydney had scans after the third chemotherapy treatment and her oncologist said there was no evidence of disease - everything was looking up!
Shortly after Sydney's 6th and final round of chemotherapy, she was having what appeared to be side effects from the chemotherapy. Sydney had a fever early in the day, but nothing too high. The fever went away, however Sydney started vomiting when she went to bed. Sydney got up at 3:00am to go to use the bathroom, she was off balance. She went into the bathroom, shut the door and collapsed. Her mum ran into the bathroom, got Sydney out and laid her on the bed. She was barely breathing, then stopped, so her dad started performing CPR. The paramedics arrived and got Sydney's heart beat back, but had to breath for her. This continued in the hospital throughout the day. They declared that Sydney was brain dead. The chemotherapy killed multiple segments of Sydney's intestines and part of her stomach. The intestine ruptured the moment in the bathroom and poisoned her whole body to the point of full body shut down.

Sydney sadly passed away on March 18 2016, six short months after diagnosis.
Sydney will always be remembered for her loving,
strong and happy spirit.
RIP Sydney.

Sydney went too soon. This is why we need less harsh treatments. Sydney is a very rare case, however Sydney's story shows how toxic the treatments really are on children's bodies.
For instance, when I got radiotherapy they said I had a risk of developing cancer in later life because of the radiotherapy! The treatment that kills the cancer can actually give you cancer. How does that work?!
When do we stop and realise that a change needs to happen? With only 3 chemotherapy drugs specifically made for children, we deserve so much more! Please help raise funds for childhood cancer research charities, so the research can be made to make chemotherapy drugs for children, which are less harsh on our small bodies. Let's make a change for families like Sydney's, who have really felt the pain of the effects of adult chemotherapies on children.

Love Ellie xxx

How can you help children with cancer this September.

September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month, it is such an important month for children with cancer, like me, because we can have the chance to be heard. However, we can't do it all alone - WE NEED YOUR HELP!
Childhood cancer only gets 4% funding, therefore we have a lack of funding, meaning we have to receive adult treatments that are so harsh on our bodies it causes long-term side effects, and in some cases even death!
With your help we can fundraise to raise funds for life-saving research. And most importantly, spread awareness! With your help of spreading awareness we can show everyone the truth to childhood cancer, after all it is the No1 disease killer of children in the USA, so we desperately need more funding. Together, we can help children with cancer have a chance in life and not have to endure such harsh treatments.
I am hoping that by now you have made the righteous decision to help children with cancer this September, but how can you help?

Fundraising ideas:

• Bake sale.
• Sponsored run/walk.
• Coffee morning.
• Non-uniform day at school.
• Wear gold for the day.
• Karaoke night.
• Quiz night.
• Raffle.
• Sky diving.
• Head shave.
• Cinema screening.
• Dance/disco.
• Sell your unwanted items.
• Sponsored silence.
• Tuck shop.
• Talent show.

Help us spread awareness:

• Take a video of your self saying 'More than 4% for childhood cancer.'. Share it with your friends and family on social media, and get them to take part as well.
• Re-post pictures and articles about childhood cancer on social media.
• Tell your family and friends about Childhood cancer awareness month, and get them involved.
• Wear a childhood cancer ribbon pin. 
• Do an assembly at school.

Who to fundraise for:

It can be a hard to decision who to give the money you have raised to. I would recommend giving it to a childhood cancer charity, or a children's cancer ward, or to a child you know who has been affected by cancer. (Links to fundraising sites will be at the end of this post)

• If you want to donate your money so you can help families affected by cancer and help keep charity hospital houses running: I recommend donating to 'CLIC sergeant' (UK).
• If you want to help teenager's with cancer: Donate to 'Teenage cancer trust' (UK) or' Teen cancer America'.
• To help fund research for childhood cancer: 'Children with Cancer Uk' or 'American Childhood cancer organisation' or 'My room' (AUS)
• If you want to raise money for a specific childhood cancer, search on the internet for one.
• Donate your money to a charity who gifts presents and wishes to children with cancer: 'Chelsea's Angels' (UK) or 'Make a wish' or 'Star light' 
• Donate to a childhood cancer ward: Find out your nearest childhood cancer ward and grant them the money.
• When I began my cancer journey a team of mums from the school set up #TeamEllie which was amazing, because they got a lot of people to fundraise for me, so when I was well enough I could afford to go on holiday and do the things I have always wanted to do. You could also do this for a child with cancer you know, it will make them so happy.

Please fundraise and spread awareness for children with cancer this September, thank you.

Ellie xxx

Links to childhood cancer charities:

Clic sergeant: http://www.clicsargent.org.uk

Teenage cancer trust: https://www.teenagecancertrust.org

Teen cancer America: https://www.teencanceramerica.org

Children with cancer UK: http://www.childrenwithcancer.org.uk

American childhood cancer organisation: http://www.acco.org

My room: https://www.myroom.com.au

Chelsea's angels: http://www.chelseasangels.co.uk

Make a wish: https://www.make-a-wish.org.uk

Star light: http://www.starlight.org.uk

Help find childhood cancer sooner + collab | Childhood cancer awareness month 2016

My mis-diagnosis process all started when I told my mum about a lump in my bottom, which had been there for months, but I was too embarrassed to tell anyone. The next day I went to the local GP, so he could check it out and he said it was most likely a perianal abscess, and prescribed me with a 7 day course of antibiotics.
After the 7 day course of antibiotics was over, we went back to the GP and I told them that the lump was infact getting bigger. But yet again I was prescribed another 7 day course of antibiotics!
After 3 days on the second course of antibiotics, I was in a lot of pain, I couldn't sit down because of the size of my lump, I was having extreme constipation, and I was even having trouble urinating. Yet again we went back to the GP and luckily we had an amazing doctor, she took one look a the lump and straight away admitted me to the hospital for a perianal abscess removal operation. It was a relief when she admitted me, but little did I know it was so much more serious...

On September 18th, I was told that I had stage 4 metastatic Alveolar Rhabdomyosarcoma. Due to misdiagnosis my cancer spread so much more than it should have done, ultimately making it stage 4. It is hard for me to think of that, as we could have caught it so much sooner if the doctor was aware of the signs of childhood cancer. Unfortunately, this is the same case for many children with cancer, the doctor doesn't expect cancer in a person so young, so they don't even think of it as a possibility, but it can happen! This is why we need to spread awareness, so we can diagnose children early, increasing their chances of survival.

When you are told your child has cancer, you are in a state of shock. It's another kid who gets cancer, not yours. It is completely understandable to be shocked because it is rare, so no one knows about it, but is that really how it should be? Think about it. If everyone knew the warning signs of cancer and actually accepted that it could be a possibility for their ill child, then children could be diagnosed earlier. Im not trying to say that you should open up every bruise, headache and pain as a possibility of cancer, but you shouldn't not think of it. Basically, you shouldn't think "That won't be my kid." , as you never know. The more awareness we spread of childhood cancer the better, so we can give parents the incentive to take their ill child to the doctors earlier, therefore promoting early diagnosis.

Symptoms of childhood cancer

• A lump or swelling
• Swollen glands
• Frequent bruising
• Unable to wee or blood in the wee
• Back pain that isn't going away
• Unexplained sweating or fever
• Persistant headaches
• Unexplained tiredness
• Unexplained seizures or changes in vision or behaviour
• Unexplained vomiting
• Abdominal swelling or pain all the time
• Unexplained weight loss or loss of appetite
• Changes in appearance of the eye or unusual eye reflections in photos 
• Frequent infections or flu-like symptoms

I did this blog post as a collab with my good friend, Evie, we have collabed before. Evie has Non-Hodgkins lymphoma and she has also experienced mis-diagnosis, go check out her blog post so you can ready her story and her advice.  Click here to go to Evie's blog

BE CHILDHOOD CANCER AWARE!

Feeling stressed out...

At the moment I am in a positive place with my treatment. I'm doing fine. So now my attention is directed to everything else that isn't fine. I feel like I have the whole world on my shoulders. I am stressing about my mum, as she is constantly in pain and the doctors aren't sure why. I get stressed out when my parents argue. I get stressed about the future. I get stressed out about the things I can't control.
 Some of you may know that ever since I have been in cancer treatment, I have become a bit of a control freak, so things that I can't control really worry me: My mum's illness, relapse, being passenger in a car, etc.
I guess it is all just taking its toll on me, I woke up this morning from a terrible nightmare that my mum's pain was caused by a cancerous tumour. It really upset me, and my mum being in pain is scary as I constantly think of worst case scenarios, because the worst case scenario happened to me.
I am stressing because I want everything to be fine, but I need to learn that not everything can be fine all the time.
For now, I am just going to try and not let everything get to me, and start focusing a bit more on me. I will still worry and stress, but I hope I can work my way through it, like I did with my anxiety. Hopefully I can see my therapist soon, so she can help me through it.

Thank you everyone for reading this post, I really just wanted to get my feelings out to you guys. Hopefully soon I can say I conquered stress, like I did with my anxiety, and help any of you guys who are dealing with stress too.

Ellie xxx

Chemotherapy: What to expect

Chemotherapy.

We connote the word Chemotherapy with the loss of hair, nausea, pain and cancer. It can be extremely daunting, you see it on the TV and on the news everywhere. You try to gear yourself up for the loss of hair, and the nausea and the pain, but really you probably haven't experienced anything like it in your life; so how do you know what to expect?

That's the thing, you don't know what to expect. I most certainly didn't, but you just have to be strong and be prepared to fight whatever comes your way.

Preparing for chemotherapy
Come a few hours early to chemotherapy so you can get your bloods done. Or if you are like me and have blood done the day before, arrive when they recommend you to. They tend to check your vitals and weight/height when you arrive also.
 I for one know how hard it is to go into the hospital to receive drugs which make you feel so ill, so take your time to relax before your chemotherapy appointment, try to stay calm and take your mind off of it. It's great to have a friend or family member come with you, as they can be great support to you and take your mind off of the chemotherapy.
When you are able to get your bed/chair, make yourself as comfortable as possible. Also, make yourself at home, most hospitals provide you with TV access, and food service if you are peckish!

Starting your chemotherapy
The nurse will have ordered your medications and chemotherapy drugs at the pharmacy, and that usually takes up to an hour to arrive. I would recommend starting mouth washes just before you start chemotherapy to prevent mouth sores.
The chemotherapy is administered through your vein so the nurse will need to access the cannula in your arm, your port a cath or Hickman line. If you have a port a cath or cannula, they access with a needle - to avoid the pain I would recommend using numbing cream or cold spray to numb the area. The nurse will give your pre-chemotherapy medications, and then set up your chemotherapy infusion on an IV stand.

During chemotherapy
A chemotherapy infusion can take anywhere from 5 minutes to 8 hours, so you need to make sure you are comfortable and have entertainment. During chemotherapy you can relax, socialise with the other patients, watch TV etc. The nurses will have to keep checking your vitals to ensure that you are not having reactions to the medications or chemotherapy.
You can go outside, however you can only go outside with the flush on your IV stand, not chemotherapy.
During chemotherapy I recommend doing mouthwashes every couple of hours, if your are susceptible to mouth sores, it really helped prevent my mouth sores.
During chemotherapy keep a sick bowl close, as a main side effect of chemotherapy is nausea, and you don't want to throw up everywhere! I am not certain whether adults have to do this, but the kids & teens have to wee and poo in a carboard container called a bed pan, so the nurses can keep an eye on whether we are flushing out all the chemotherapy and fluids given to us. If that is the same with adults, remember to take a bed pan with you to the toilet.
When the chemotherapy is finished the nurse will flush your IV with saline and deaccess you Portacath or take out your cannula. Then you will have to wait 30mins to an hour before being discharged, so the nurses can ensure you are well enough to go home.

After chemotherapy
After chemotherapy go straight home and rest. My chemotherapy made every bit of energy come out of my body, I felt like I had just been hit by a truck, so rest is definitely important. Try and drink lots of fluids, a lot of my cancer friends recommend drinking energy drinks. Eat whatever you crave, I used to crave potatoes after Chemotherapy!
Also, continue mouthwashes at home every few hours until the mouth sores are completely gone. Sometimes the nurses give you anti-sickness to take for a day or so after chemotherapy, taking them is important so you don't get nausea.

To those of you who are reading this that are about to endure your first chemotherapy treatment: Stay strong, I know how hard chemotherapy is, there is times when you just want to give up. The end may feel so far, but you just have to look at the light at the end of the tunnel. Show cancer what you are made of!!!

Thank you for reading,

Ellie xxx

What is sarcoma? |Sarcoma awareness week 2016

When my parents told me what cancer I had, it was weird, because I actually knew what the hidden beast was inside of me. It seemed unreal, as out of all of the 200 different types of cancer, I got SARCOMA!
Sarcoma is that cancer that not many people know about, did you know that in a survey only 47% of people had heard of sarcoma, and only 26% actually knew it was a cancer! I am certainly not surprised of these figures, as myself went through numerous GP visits and an abscess removal operation until they twigged that it was sarcoma. And for many other sarcoma patients this is also the case, as sarcoma patients visit their GP more times than those with any other cancer before being diagnosed. Doesn't anyone else see the problem here? We need to spread awareness now, and fast so we can promote early diagnosis!

So let's talk a bit more about this pesky cancer that grows in soft connective tissues, bone and nerves. Before we start, I got all of this information from an amazing charity called Sarcoma Uk, they are a charity which spread awareness for sarcoma and they are such a great team, if you have any more questions about sarcoma you can ask them on their help line or via email. For more information visit their website https://sarcoma.org.uk

What is a sarcoma?

• Rare cancers that develop in the muscle, bone, nerves, cartilage, tendons, blood vessels and the fatty and fibrous tissue. There are many types of sarcoma:
•  Bone sarcoma
• Soft tissue sarcoma 
• GIST (In the gastrointestinal tract)
• Gynaecological sarcoma
• Retroperitoneal sarcoma (Deep into the pelvis, where the kidneys, pancreas and bladder are located.)

Facts and figures

• There are around 100 sub-types of sarcoma.
• 10 people diagnosed in the UK everyday!!!
• In general patients with sarcomas tend to be younger.
• Sarcomas make up 15% of children cancers (0-14) and 11% of all cancer diagnoses in teens and young adults (15-24).
• Every year 3,300 people are diagnosed with soft tissue cancers including GIST in the UK.
• 500 people are diagnosed with a bone cancer each year in the UK.

Symptoms and diagnosing sarcoma

Be 'On the ball' when it comes to learning the symptoms of sarcoma! Sarcoma UK launched a campaign called 'On the ball' to spread awareness about the symptoms of sarcoma to GP's, because GP's are usually not aware of the red flag signs of sarcoma. Typically a sarcoma appears as a lump, if diagnosed under 5cm usually you will be treated successfully, however many sarcoma patients aren't diagnosed until the lump is 10cm. This is why we need to spread awareness, so we can promote early diagnosis.

When diagnosing Sarcoma, like many other cancers you have to go through a lot of tests, such as:

• Clinical examination.
• A scan- taking pictures of inside the body using ultrasound MRI, CT, x-ray, PET or EUS.
• A biopsy- taking and testing tissue sample.
• A bone scan- to test for primary bone sarcomas.

Overall, I hope you have learn't about sarcoma from this blog post. For me it is so important that you share information about Sarcoma and donate to Sarcoma UK as SARCOMA NEEDS TO BE HEARD! As a result of misdiagnosis, my cancer spread to many places- it started in my left bumcheek, it grew throughout my pelvis, into my lymph nodes and into my bone marrow. For me it is scary that my cancer has spread so vast as it gives me a higher chance of relapse. So please share this post, go to Sarcoma UK and spread awareness!

Mixing friendships with cancer

Losing friendships due to something you can't control is hard, it is as if they can't accept the new you anymore. Cancer has put a strain on many of my friendships. Before I got cancer, I had my two best friends and I had several other close friends. My two best friends are absolutely amazing, they have stuck by me throughout and they make me feel normal again. However, my other friends distanced themselves from me, and now when I speak to them it is as if I am a stranger, they can barely even talk to me! Cancer is one of them things, even though it is common it is extremely feared of, so I think some of my friends just are not sure what to say to me anymore.

Although I have lost friends, I have also made friends. There have been people who have reached out to me and they have been so supportive. It definitely shows how amazing some people can be, my close friends didn't bother with me, yet a total stranger did...

Friendship advice

Regular meet-ups with friends- Cancer can be such a lonely place, so regularly meeting up with your friends is a great idea! I see my friends every week and it is so fun & gives me a bit of normality.

Losing friends- It is tough losing friends over cancer, as you can't help it. However, the way I see it is that if they are so shallow to stop being friends with you due to cancer, they aren't worth your friendship & they obviously are not your real friends.

Fake friends- I have found that some people who weren't even my friends before cancer, started messaging me saying how sorry they were for me and how they would be there for me and would visit me. I understand people want to support me, but all I needed right then were my real friends. And most of the people who messaged me just wanted my friendship for popularity, so they could say "I went and visited Ellie today, I'm such a great person." Also, none of those people ever messaged me again after a month or so after my diagnosis, so they are definitely FAKE FRIENDS!!!

Cancer friends

I find having friends who have cancer really helps a lot. My friends are amazing, but they can't completely understand what I am going through. I have a few friends from the teen cancer ward, but mostly via social media. Social media is an amazing way to find people the same age as you going through cancer. I have met so many people, and most of them I still talk to! I love talking to them as they completely understand what I am going through.

I would definitely suggest making friends with children your age in your cancer hospital ward, or use social media. To find cancer people on social media join Facebook groups, and I recommend finding cancer kids on childhood cancer awareness Instagram pages.

This blog post is a collab with one of my amazing cancer friends who I met on social media, she is called Evie, she has Hodgkin's lymphoma. Like me, Evie definitely knows the strain on friendships with cancer in the mix, so we worked together and we both made a blog post about Mixing friendships and cancer, go check out her blog too!
Evie's blog: http://loveeviex.blogspot.co.uk/?m=1
Evie's instagram: @evie_shallom

'Friends don't let friends fight cancer alone!"

Thank you for reading and I really hope this blog post helped you.

Ellie xxx

My cancer survivor party!

Don't think of a survivor as someone who wins their battle, but as someone who fights for their life and thrives to survive. I wanted to do this party to honour those who have sadly lost their battle with cancer, and to celebrate the HELL I have been through these past several months. Fortunately for me I have won my battle, but I also wanted to honour the survivors who have lost their battle.

Firstly I got my makeup done, it is the first ever time I have worn a full face of makeup in my life! The makeup was beautiful, but I would never have the patience to do that myself- I think I will stick to all natural.
We drove to the party in style, a very posh limo, it was so fun! I arrived to the party with a red carpet entrance (awesome surprise!), and with my beautiful dress (it was white and gold to represent the childhood cancer ribbon) I was definitely red carpet ready. My reception was outstanding, so many people came to support me and I was stunned. It was great to see all my school friends again, and relatives who live far away.
I did a speech, it was my third speech of the week, so I think I do the whole public speaking thing well by now. I spoke about what a survivor was to me, and thanked everyone, but typical me had a mental block whilst thanking people- there was too many people to thank!!!
Unfortunately, I had to take my dress off after the speech as it was quite scratchy, and was irritating the port tube in my neck. It reminds me of when I got changed into a football kit at my parent's wedding, I was a huge tom boy so that was the deal for wearing a dress!
Overall, the party was one of the best nights of my life, it was as big as my wedding will be! I want to thank everyone that came. Especially Nancy, Levi and chelsea- Nancy has the same cancer as me and she really rocked the dance floor with her moves, Levi is 6 and is a lung cancer survivor and he is super cool, and Chelsea sadly passed away from neuroblastoma but I am certain she was there to support me. Also, I want to thank TeamEllie for making this night possible, and always supporting me. Most importantly, I want to thank my whole family for sticking with me this whole journey, I couldn't of done it without them! <3

Thanks to the best night of my life!

Lots of love,

Ellie xxx

My favourite fashion accessory...kind of!

Fashion accessories are great because they can complete your outfit and show off a bit of your personality. For me I don't tend to bother with fashion accessories, I have never really been a fashionista kind of girl however there is one accessory I won't go without- NG tube!

To those fashionistas who were thinking that this blog was seriously about fashion-sorry but you are at the wrong place! 

I love my NG tube, but it is the biggest statement piece to my outfit that I could have, it screams 'Poorly kid!!!'-definitely not the fashion statement I want to make. However, like my bald head I embrace it!

My first chemotherapy made me so ill and covered with mouth sores that I just couldn't eat, my stomach shrunk so much, resulting in me losing 12kg in a month. I dropped to a frail 36kg by my second chemo so I was offered the option of either a NG tube or a G tube, by that point I was fed up of operations so I decided to go for a NG tube. The NG tube has been amazing for me, it has basically saved me, if I continued without it I would just be skin and bones. Also, during the 6 months of intensive chemotherapy and radiotherapy I had no appetite at all so being able to eat without even chewing was great! Although the NG tube has really supported me, it has also given me terrible anxiety, anxiety so bad I would get many panic attacks and not be able to sleep at night. Despite all of that I still have my feeding tube now and I have conquered the anxiety, I could really loose the tube now but I find it like a safety net for me. It has helped me so much that I don't want to lose it, and if I lose it I will have to drink my chemo medicine and take the HUGE septrin tablet. So I am tied between losing the tube and looking normal, or keeping the tube and not being able to go on rollercoasters etc. I am definitely more for losing the tube but I am apprehensive to have the icky meds.

How an NG tube is put into your stomach

Getting an NG tube put in is definitely not nice, having something shoved up your nose and travelling down your throat is a weird sensation. Here's how it works: The NG tube is passed through your nose, then it comes out to the top of your throat where the gag reflexes are, after that it is gently travelled down through your oesophagus into your stomach.

Tips for during the procedure

Keep swallowing: Swallowing helps massively when getting the NG tube done as it makes it a whole lot easier for the tube to pass through your oesophagus.
Icy cold water: Icy cold water is the perfect! Water will keep you swallowing and keep your throat moist whilst the tube is going down, and the iciness will numb your throat.
Don't panic: The worst bit of the whole procedure for me is when the NG tube hits your gag reflexes, when it does that don't panic. If you would like stop for a second, what I just do is close my eyes and keep swallowing water. Or what I also find helpful is to concentrate on your breathing, so you are distracted from thinking about the tube going down your throat.
Puking up the tube- Puking up the tube is a scary experience, it hangs out of you mouth-it is very uncomfortable. When this happens just stay calm and DO NOT pull the tube out through your mouth, pull it out though your nose.

I really hope this blog helped you. Ironically in the midst of writing this blog I threw up my tube! I am trialling without the tube, it is going well so far, however chemo tastes gross but I can handle it. Comment down below how you found your NG tube experience!

Thank you for reading,

Ellie

xxx

Mixing cancer with school

Before I got cancer I would walk through the school hallways barely getting a single glance, however now I have cancer I seem to be centre of attention- I almost feel like a celebrity at school. Recently I have been attending school on a regular basis, it is a lot of fun, but I don't really feel like I fit in anymore. My good friends even from before I got cancer don't know what to say to me, it is like being the new kid every single day. It doesn't really bother me, but for some other people I have talked to who also have cancer have said they hate being at school because of all the stares and how differently you are treated. School is much harder for me now, it is so much more tiring and school work doesn't come as easy to me as it did before. School really shows me how little energy I have, before I would do a full day of school and then run after school, however now a couple of hours tires me out, thats one thing I have found very hard- I just wish I had enough energy to do everything my friends are doing.

CHEMO BRAIN!!!

Before I got cancer I could easily memorise two pages of french writing in a week, but now with chemo brain it would probably take me 3 weeks! Chemo brain has been hard for me, just little things like forgetting something my mum told me or not being able to concentrate on school work without getting very tired. Does anyone else have this? It is very annoying and I am nervous that it will hold me back for the rest of my life, but I guess you kind of learn to live with it. I have a few tips to help with your chemo brain:

• Writing down things, or setting reminders on your phone.
• Taking regular breaks so you don't tire yourself out to much.
• Plenty of rest and eat healthy.
• Avoid chilling for too long in the day otherwise you don't really have the motivation to do anything productive. 
• Have a calendar.

Repeating a school year

Repeating the school year is often used as a sign of stupidity, but we aren't stupid, we just had to take several months off to kick cancer's butt- which is much more important! Even though having cancer was a horrid experience, we learnt more than you could ever teach in a school year- we learnt about medicines, medical procedures, types of cancers, listened to other people's stories, immersed ourself in hospital culture and most importantly learnt the true meaning of life- it was the best/worst gap year we could ever have!

I am going to miss my year a lot, and even though moving to a new year group is nerve-wracking it is also exciting. Think of it like this, you will be older than everyone else and if your school allows you then you get to go to TWO PROMS!!! I know it still isn't the ideal situation but we just have to make the best of it.

Dealing with questions from people at school.

Personally, I don't mind answering most questions people ask me, I think it is great as they are showing an interest and I want to teach people what having cancer is like. For some people going back to school is a place where they like to feel normal, so an abundance of questions about cancer isn't always what you want. I would simply say to the person asking you the question that you would rather not talk about cancer, I am sure they will respect your request.

Feeling like you don't belong

I wish I could walk around school without getting stares, I wish people who were my friends before would actually talk to me, I wish I wasn't seen so differently. Getting stares is very horrible at school, you feel self conscious as you have so many eyes watching you. Obviously it is a shock to see the kid who has been away with such a serious illness, but I have been at school for a couple of months now, surely you are used to me by now? It just feels like we don't fit in anymore, I don't really have a solution for this except to just wait and ignore the stares. The shock of seeing someone like us won't go away over night but it will get better with time, and just ignore the stares, I just walk with pride and strength. 

We are like celebrities, the school halls are our red carpet and the students are our paparazzi! (; 

Thank you for reading this blog post, I really hope you found this helpful. Mixing school and cancer can be hard but we just need to remember that we fought cancer, so whatever tough school situations are thrown at us, we can handle! 

Ellie xxx

How to cope with insomnia

Insomnia is extremely debilitating, frustrating and can make you feel alone. I know how you feel. You feel like you are trapped in consciousness, unable to slip into a sweet dream.
Sleep is such an amazing thing, the thought of a relaxing deep sleep when you are tired is so inviting. However, for some of us our brains won't allow us to slip into a peaceful sleep, we have to fight for hours to get to sleep.

Insomnia has been such a depressing experience for me. Throughout my cancer treatment I have had bouts of insomnia. The worst was when I had terrible anxiety, I would lay awake for hours, feeling restless and depressed because my mind wouldn't let me fall to sleep. It was an extremely sad time for me as I felt alone and helpless. The only time I would get a break from insomnia was when I was away at a charity house with my mum during radiotherapy, my anxiety was caused by fear of liquid getting into my lungs, so when I slept in the same room as my mum I felt safe. Fortunately, I have being seeing a counsellor and my anxiety has improved dramatically, I can sleep extremely well now and I don't have my mind fixated on my anxieties all day.


Symptoms of Insomnia
Here is a few common symptoms of Insomnia, let's see if your symptoms match:

• Difficulty to fall asleep.
• Lay awake for long periods at night.
• Wake up several times in the night.
• Don't feel refreshed when you wake up.
• Feel tired, irritable and lack of concentration.

Possible causes of Insomnia

These are some of the most common causes of insomnia:

• Stress and anxiety.
• Poor sleeping environment.
• Mental health conditions.
• Life style factors, e.g jet lag, shift work and drinking alcohol or caffeine before bed.
• Physical health conditions, e.g heart problems or long term pain.
• Certain medications, e.g antidepressants, epilepsy medication and steroid meds.

What to do about it

Especially if your insomnia is caused by lifestyle factors you can change some things to help get rid of your insomnia. For people with mental health conditions, like me, it is a bit harder but I personally recommend seeing a counsellor/therapist because that can ease your mental health conditions. Here are a few ways you can get to sleep easier:

• Setting a regular bed time.
• Relaxing before bed, e.g take a bath or listen to music.
• Get off of technology an hour before bedtime as the blue light from your device can disrupt your brain activity and keep you awake.
• Use thick curtains/blinds, ear plugs and ear masks if your sleep is disrupted by the environment.
• Avoid caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, heavy meals, and exercise for a few hours before going to bed.
• Don't nap during the day.
• Write down your worries and solve them to help you forget about them.

Treatment

Try some of the appropriate tips on how to stop your insomnia for a few weeks, if no progress is made then sometimes treatment is necessary for you.

Cognitive behavioural therapy- This is a type of therapy that can help you deal with your thoughts in a more positive way. It helps your break down overwhelming problems into smaller parts and showing you how to change these negative patterns to help improve the way you feel. Unlike other talking therapies, it does not focus on your past, instead it helps you look for practical ways to improve your state of mind on a daily basis. This therapy will help you avoid the thoughts and behaviours affecting your sleep.

Sleeping tablets- Sleeping tablets are usually used as a last resort, doctors try and avoid prescribing them as they won't fix your insomnia and they have longterm effects.

I really hope this post has helped you in some way. Insomnia is such a hard thing to go through and to finally fix it is the best feeling in the world. Sleep seemed so unnatural to me before but now it seems perfectly natural, and now I look forward to sleeping. I wish you the best of luck if you have insomnia.

Love Ellie xxx

Missing the old me, but living for the new me.

Hey guys, just want to say before we start this blog post that I did a youtube video about my cancer story!
Please check it out:
https://youtu.be/L4CjDOg0NHw

Do you ever just reminisce about the good old days? The days when you were care-free, healthy, and having fun. For a person with an illness them days seem so long ago, your new life just seems like your new normal. For me I still shock myself of how quickly my life flipped upside down, one day I was happy and free but the next day I was trapped by cancer. It may make you feel sad wishing you could be how you used to be, at the start of treatment I wished more than anything for this to all be a dream and to be back to normal again- but sadly it doesn't work like that.

You know what? You have just go to embrace the new you! Look to the future, not the past. Now I don't often think about how I was before, as I'm not totally the same person anymore, I'm slightly different now. Everyone goes through different stages in their life where they change, and this is just one of them stages for us, it's more dramatic than other people's but who said change wasn't a good thing? From cancer I have changed as a person so much, and I feel as if I'm a better person now; my outlook on life is better and I'm not worried about what people think of me. I've embraced how I am by creating a blog, social media accounts and creating a youtube channel. Embrace your illness and show the world how awesome you are! Ever since I started my blog I have felt happier than ever before, as I can use my experiences to help other people and also inspire other people to stay strong. It's the best feeling in the world to be told that you are inspiring, so if you have an illness why not help others and make an impact on the world?

Additionally, I just want to say that you are beautiful no matter what. If your illness has changed you physically then don't be ashamed, I have a bald head due to chemotherapy and I show my bald head with pride as it shows how strong & brave I am. So if you have a scar, amputated limbs, etc please don't feel self conscious as it shows that you are a fighter! Show off your imperfections due to your illness with pride and strength.

I just want to inform you guys that I will be doing my blog every two weeks now as I am also doing youtube videos every two weeks. Thank you for understanding (:

Ellie xxx

Hope is a powerful thing

Hope is a powerful thing. Even though hope doesn't always work, the strength and motivation you get from hope is incredible. Look at World War 1 & 2, Winston Churchill published propaganda to keep up the nation's morale/hope, this shows how powerful hope is, as it got the whole nation through such a tough time, without hope everyone would have not been as happy and willing to stay strong. When I first got cancer I hoped the treatment would work and I hoped that I'd survive, and that hope helped me through the pain of my experience.

Every item has a story, whether big or small, when I first got diagnosed my nan gave me a golden elephant. It belonged to my Great-Grandad, he kept it with him as a token of good luck and hope during World war 2. My Great-grandfather was a spitfire pilot, he was such a courageous man, he has been shot down from his spitfire 3 times and survived- so his story really proves that this Golden elephant is truly lucky! My nan wanted to give me the golden elephant to give me luck and hope throughout my treatment, and it definitely seems to be working. 

Also, my nan said to me "Ellie, you are even braver than my father as you are fighting a battle you can't see." However I disagree; if I had the choice I would of wanted to not have cancer and not to fight this horrible battle - but my Great-grandfather was truly brave, because if he had a choice to go to war or not, he would have gone to war as he wanted to fight for his country. My Great-grandfather was truly inspiring and I know he's looking down on me.

Throughout my treatment when things got tough I would disbelieve in hope and good luck. Now I look back, hope has truly helped me get through this experience, hope and luck isn't guaranteed but that fighting spirit you get from it can get you through. So for all of you that are starting a courageous battle with illness, remember to believe in hope as it will keep you strong.

'Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness'

Ellie xxx 

How to deal with Anxiety.

I'm not a very poetic person but the words from that poem seemed to flow out of me. I've been dealing with anxiety for a few months now and it's something I feel very strongly about, in the aspect that I really want to help others with this horrible mental illness and I want to help bring awareness as I feel like people don't know the true extent of anxiety. Im going to be honest, before I had cancer I didn't really think anxiety was even a real thing, and I just thought it was a way of people to bring attention to themselves. I was so wrong, now experiencing it first hand I get how emotionally draining it is and how it can affect someone's whole life. I want to bring awareness to the people who are like the old me, as it's a much worse illness than is made out to be. Your brain controls everything you do, and when the one thing that controls my body start contradicting all that my body does, it's so tough!

Im going to tell you a little bit about my own experience with anxiety; it all started with my feeding tube. Before I had first gotten my feeding tube the nurse cleared with us the possible risks of having a feeding tube and the one that stuck out to me most was "Although this is very unlikely, your feeding tube could get stuck in your lung, so thats why you always have to check the pH of the drawed up liquid before starting feed.". What she said didn't truly start bothering me until about November 2015, after about a month of having the feeding tube. Due to being too ill to do much I would be at home most days, so my mind would have more time to think. I started thinking that the feeding tube would go into my lungs and fill them with liquid until I dry drowned. I used to be terrified and I would always analyse how my breathing was, but that didn't help as it would freak me out even more as I would think I wasn't breathing properly-I used to get scary panic attacks. My anxiety has progressed so much that I'm even scared to drink incase it somehow got into my lungs. You may say that it's so illogical, I know that but no matter what anyone says my brain finds a way of making it possible. Now anything is possible! The impossible happened, getting cancer, I know it's not impossible but in my own little happy bubble it seemed impossible.
 Anxiety had taken over my whole life until recently- on Wednesday I had to have my feeding tube attempted to put down my throat three times resulting in two panic attacks, the anxiety of liquid or the feeding tube going into my lung took over! It's voice relentlessly agonising my mind but I was determined not to let the anxiety make me give up, and with that determination for the first time I was able to ignore the voice inside of my head and keep going, it was hard but I didn't give up! That for me was such a huge step to getting over this stupid part of me, I finally was able to ignore it, for the next time I get anxiety I will use that determination I had on Wednesday to get me through.

Symptoms of anxiety.

Anxiety can have psychological symptoms, such as:

• Feeling on edge or unable to relax
• Feeling irritable
• Having trouble concentrating
• Finding it hard to sleep
• Feeling tearful
• Needing frequent reassurance from people

Anxiety can also have physical symptoms, such as:

• A pounding heart beat
• Breathing faster 
• Palpitations (Irregular heart beat)
• Feeling sick
• Chest pains
• Headaches
• Sweating 
• Loss of appetite 
• Feeling faint
• Needing the toilet more frequently
• Having "butterflies" in your tummy

How to cope with daily struggles of having anxiety.

Take time out- If you start feeling anxious, go and distract yourself. You could have a nice relaxing bath or have a walk around the block. Now that I'm at home a lot I get anxious more easily as I'm not busy, but when I start to feel anxious I like to watch Youtube videos or play with my pets. 

Breathing- Panic attacks are some of the scariest experiences I've ever had, feeling like you can't breath is terrifying, so it's really helpful to learn how to breath, it can change a much more scared and panicked you to a calmer and relaxed you. I haven't actually been taught any breathing techniques myself but one of my mum's friends says he used to breath in and count to 3, then breath out and count to 3- he said this really helped him as it distracted him from the panic and made him focus. If you want to learn more about breathing techniques go to: http://www.anxietycoach.com/breathingexercise.html

Face your fears- As hard as this may seem it could really help, facing your fear could give you that boost you need to overcome anxiety. I fear that liquid or my feeding tube will go into my lung so getting my feeding tube changed was so hard for me but I faced my fear and did it! That has really given me the confidence and determination to overcome my fear and I'm sure it will for you too!

Don't expect everything to be perfect- You will have your good and bad days, unfortunately when you have anxiety thats what it's like. So don't expect to be healed quickly as stuff like this takes time and you're going to have your bad days but as time goes on you will have more good days.

Try to think realistically- I know this absolutely contradicts the mind set of someone with anxiety, anxiety totally contradicts all of your logic. I have been to a doctor about my anxiety and she taught me about how the throat works and where the airways are, this helped me a lot as now I can think a bit more logically if I start to feel anxious.

Aromatherapy- I have an aromatherapy diffuser on my beside table, most nights I diffuse lavender and it has definitely helped me with my sleeping. When my anxiety was worse I used to have trouble getting to sleep and this definitely helped a lot, lavender is known for its calming properties so it helps you relax at bedtime. 

Alcohol and drugs are NOT the answer- Some people try to soothe their anxiety with alcohol and drugs, but neither of these are a medicine and they could even make your anxiety even worse! It may seem like an easy way out of your fears but it will make your feel a lot worse and the longterm side effects of alcohol and drug abuse is just not worth it and it won't stop your anxiety!

See a therapist- I haven't experienced one myself, however I'm going to in a couple of weeks. My sister Olivia had anxiety when I first got ill and I've asked her how it helps her, here's what she says "It's good to talk to someone, plus that it's someone you don't know they can't judge you. You tell them whats been happening and they can go through your problems and give you exercises to help you calm down.". From what Olivia has said it definitely seems like a great way to overcome your fears and help you cope with your anxiety.

Anxiety is extremely painful as you feel as if it won't ever go away, but with the right mindset and strength you can beat anxiety! It will be tough but I believe that you can do it! Without the support from the followers on my social media accounts, the nurses and doctors at the hospital, my friends and my family I don't think I could have done what I did on Wednesday- and that really shows what a great support network can do. So I want to help you anyway I can to get you to beat anxiety, anxiety shouldn't define us so we need to work together to beat it!

I really hope this blog post helped or inspired you in some way.

If you ever want to talk or need advice message me on:

Instagram- @teamellie_blog

Facebook- TeamEllie Blog

Snapchat- teamellie_blog

Ellie xxx

I made it!!!

If you have been following my social media accounts you would know that I have recently completed all 9 of my Intensive chemotherapies and 28 sessions of Radiotherapy! Crazy right? It only seems like yesterday that I started my first ever intensive chemotherapy. The intensive chemotherapy is by far the hardest thing I've had to go through physically and mentally, it would wreck my body and my mind would be depressed. However, in a situation like this all you can do is fight, giving up may seem the easy option but we fight and show cancer that it won't defeat us!
Incase you were wondering my last intensive chemotherapy went very well, for the radiotherapy we dropped one of my chemotherapy drugs called Actinomycin D and that made all the difference. I didn't even really feel like I was having chemotherapy- I was able to eat which I never do on chemotherapy and I barely got any nausea! The side effects of Radiotherapy combined with chemotherapy was quite hard, but due to me feeling much better on chemotherapy I wasn't too worn out.
(Sorry if the video doesn't work, I've had a few problems uploading it)

As for Radiotherapy that was really tough! The first three weeks were pretty easy, but then the side effects really kicked in. I was extremely tired all the time, I lost my appetite and my skin was red and sore. Overall, it was much harder than I thought but I did enjoy going to radiotherapy as I was the centre of attention- for most of the five and a half weeks I was the only child there and the old people liked to fuss over me, I will miss them dearly. I will also miss the receptionists, they were so nice and always great to have a chat with. One of the biggest things I took from this experience was TATTOOS, for all of my life I have been adamant that I wouldn't ever get a tattoo but now I have 3 tiny tattooed dots, now I can confidently say that I was the first person to get a tattoo in my school year! Even though I've had a hard time with side effects, it was an amazing experience but I do enjoy chilling at home a million times more.

IT WAS TOUGH BUT I WAS TOUGHER!!!

Ellie xxx

I've been lying to you...

One of the mottos I have gone by since the start of my treatment is 'Cancer may have taken over my body, but not my personality.' and at the moment that is a lie. I have let the pain and struggles of having cancer effect my personality, I was determined it wasn't going to beat me but it has.
If you knew me before treatment I was up beat, very active and I stood up for what I believed in. That's just not me anymore. Ever since starting radiotherapy the side effects have made me down, slightly lose my fighting spirit and not believe I can do things. I see kids in the ward who have just had their chemo and they are running around like nutters, whereas there is me who isn't pushing themselves to even walk far without my wheelchair!
At the beginning I was strong and optimistic, I'm not saying that I'm not now but I have just let my anxiety get to me so much that I'm hardly the same person anymore! It's really upset me that my cancer has led me to this, I should be happy that treatment is nearly over but as much as I try to be happy; I can't.

Today is a start of something great-trying to find the old me hidden behind depression and anxiety.
I'm getting a therapist so I can learn how to deal with my anxiety and I'm going to try and push myself to do more things and finally believe I can do them again! I know the old me is screaming to come out but I have to sort out the new me before I can get back to the old me. It's going to be hard but it will be better for me and for you guys, my blogs will be better and Im also thinking of filming cancer advice youtube videos, and I can't really give the best advice if I'm not fully understanding my problems myself.

Thank you everyone for reading my blog! I can't wait to get back to the old me and I just want to say thank you for always supporting me- you guys have got me through!

I BEAT CANCER, SO I CAN BEAT THIS!!!!

Ellie xxx

Dealing with relationships when you have cancer +My cancer breakup story!!!

Having a partner if you get cancer is great as you have great support, however cancer can put strain on a relationship, I for one know this.

When I got cancer I had been dating this boy (I won't mention his name) for about 8 months. At the start he was very supportive and used to always check up on me, but gradually he stopped messaging me as much. When I finally got out of hospital, he came and visited me with my two friends, and he just seemed different around me. I know that our relationship wasn't going to be the same but i didn't think it was going to be this bad. Then, when I was getting my second chemo he decides to message me that he thinks we should break up. At this point I was feeling so nauseas from the chemo that I didn't bother trying to fight for our relationship- what was the point if he evidently didn't want to be in it anymore?

It just hurt me how easily he wanted to give up ,and that it would be totally different if the roles were reversed. I'm not trying to put the blame totally on him, I knew he cared but he was just too young & immature to deal with this sort of thing. What hurt me most is that after we broke up it was like I was totally erased from his life, I really tried keeping a friendship with him but he just didn't care.

The biggest stab in the back was when 3 weeks after we broke up he started dating the girl he was hanging out with whilst I was in hospital! That really made me wonder if he broke up with me because he got a better offer, a normal girl vs an ill girl- obviously he was going to choose her. We were broken up, so I understand that he could do whatever he likes, but I just thought he would have the decency to wait a couple more months before he started dating someone else. 

Dealing with your relationship when you have cancer

Me and my ex had such a great relationship before cancer came along, so I know how much a strain it can put on your relationship. So, here are a few tips on how to keep a good relationship with your partner.

• Have fun together! Chemotherapy and hospital visits can make you forget to have enjoyment together. Go out for a dinner date, watch a movie and look at photo albums.
• Tell your partner (with cancer) that you still care and no matter what happens you will love them the same.
• Remember that you two are a unit and that you are fighting this together.
• Talk openly about your emotions, feeling and concerns with each other.
• Support each other.

Also, don't be disheartened if you and your partner do break up as there is no point of staying with someone who doesn't want to care and support you. 

Happy Valentine's day!

Ellie x