every second because you never know when it could end. Now I am in remission I have a whole new gratitude and thrive for life. For 18 months I learnt how to live a "cancer life" and I embraced each day of it; but I never truly understood how different it was until I came into remission. I have currently been in remission for a little over 2 weeks and already I feel free, I feel happy and I feel unstoppable. I can't truly put into words how amazing it feels.
I am enjoying getting back to the normal things in life. I don't feel restricted with the mental and physical ties of chemotherapy - I feel like I can do anything! Remission has definitely taught me to take every chance whilst you have got it, I have definitely got a new enthusiasm for life. I am ecstatic that my energy is increasing so I can attend school a lot more, I absolutely love school, and it makes me happy that I can attend even more now. If you knew me before then you knew that I was super sporty, since remission I have started to go swimming, it is so fun and I am starting to get my passionate drive for sports that I had before.
Although remission has been amazing, it has also been a roller coaster of emotions. For 18 months I felt safe with the security of chemotherapy, but now I almost feel like I am going into a battle with no armour. I try to remain positive and not think of relapse, but I find that it always crosses my mind one way or another. Little things like bloating or pain can trigger a whole flood of emotions for me, because I am scared to death of anything being a possibility of cancer. I try to be rational and think about it logically, but it is hard sometimes. In a few weeks time I have scans, at the moment I am not feeling too anxious, because in a way the hospital makes me feel safe and these scans will hopefully reassure me that everything is okay.
I know it has only been two weeks, but it has been absolutely fantastic! I am looking forward to seeing what the next few weeks brings. I think providing support and information to those in remission is as important as providing support to those in cancer treatment. This blog post is the first of a series called LifeAfterCancer. I want to do this series to voice my experience of remission, so I can give advice and support to those on the same journey as I.
My energy is getting better and better each day, I am truly loving life and I'm cherishing every moment of my normal life.
Love Ellie xxx
