My cancer survivor party!

Don't think of a survivor as someone who wins their battle, but as someone who fights for their life and thrives to survive. I wanted to do this party to honour those who have sadly lost their battle with cancer, and to celebrate the HELL I have been through these past several months. Fortunately for me I have won my battle, but I also wanted to honour the survivors who have lost their battle.

Firstly I got my makeup done, it is the first ever time I have worn a full face of makeup in my life! The makeup was beautiful, but I would never have the patience to do that myself- I think I will stick to all natural.
We drove to the party in style, a very posh limo, it was so fun! I arrived to the party with a red carpet entrance (awesome surprise!), and with my beautiful dress (it was white and gold to represent the childhood cancer ribbon) I was definitely red carpet ready. My reception was outstanding, so many people came to support me and I was stunned. It was great to see all my school friends again, and relatives who live far away.
I did a speech, it was my third speech of the week, so I think I do the whole public speaking thing well by now. I spoke about what a survivor was to me, and thanked everyone, but typical me had a mental block whilst thanking people- there was too many people to thank!!!
Unfortunately, I had to take my dress off after the speech as it was quite scratchy, and was irritating the port tube in my neck. It reminds me of when I got changed into a football kit at my parent's wedding, I was a huge tom boy so that was the deal for wearing a dress!
Overall, the party was one of the best nights of my life, it was as big as my wedding will be! I want to thank everyone that came. Especially Nancy, Levi and chelsea- Nancy has the same cancer as me and she really rocked the dance floor with her moves, Levi is 6 and is a lung cancer survivor and he is super cool, and Chelsea sadly passed away from neuroblastoma but I am certain she was there to support me. Also, I want to thank TeamEllie for making this night possible, and always supporting me. Most importantly, I want to thank my whole family for sticking with me this whole journey, I couldn't of done it without them! <3

Thanks to the best night of my life!

Lots of love,

Ellie xxx

My favourite fashion accessory...kind of!

Fashion accessories are great because they can complete your outfit and show off a bit of your personality. For me I don't tend to bother with fashion accessories, I have never really been a fashionista kind of girl however there is one accessory I won't go without- NG tube!

To those fashionistas who were thinking that this blog was seriously about fashion-sorry but you are at the wrong place! 

I love my NG tube, but it is the biggest statement piece to my outfit that I could have, it screams 'Poorly kid!!!'-definitely not the fashion statement I want to make. However, like my bald head I embrace it!

My first chemotherapy made me so ill and covered with mouth sores that I just couldn't eat, my stomach shrunk so much, resulting in me losing 12kg in a month. I dropped to a frail 36kg by my second chemo so I was offered the option of either a NG tube or a G tube, by that point I was fed up of operations so I decided to go for a NG tube. The NG tube has been amazing for me, it has basically saved me, if I continued without it I would just be skin and bones. Also, during the 6 months of intensive chemotherapy and radiotherapy I had no appetite at all so being able to eat without even chewing was great! Although the NG tube has really supported me, it has also given me terrible anxiety, anxiety so bad I would get many panic attacks and not be able to sleep at night. Despite all of that I still have my feeding tube now and I have conquered the anxiety, I could really loose the tube now but I find it like a safety net for me. It has helped me so much that I don't want to lose it, and if I lose it I will have to drink my chemo medicine and take the HUGE septrin tablet. So I am tied between losing the tube and looking normal, or keeping the tube and not being able to go on rollercoasters etc. I am definitely more for losing the tube but I am apprehensive to have the icky meds.

How an NG tube is put into your stomach

Getting an NG tube put in is definitely not nice, having something shoved up your nose and travelling down your throat is a weird sensation. Here's how it works: The NG tube is passed through your nose, then it comes out to the top of your throat where the gag reflexes are, after that it is gently travelled down through your oesophagus into your stomach.

Tips for during the procedure

Keep swallowing: Swallowing helps massively when getting the NG tube done as it makes it a whole lot easier for the tube to pass through your oesophagus.
Icy cold water: Icy cold water is the perfect! Water will keep you swallowing and keep your throat moist whilst the tube is going down, and the iciness will numb your throat.
Don't panic: The worst bit of the whole procedure for me is when the NG tube hits your gag reflexes, when it does that don't panic. If you would like stop for a second, what I just do is close my eyes and keep swallowing water. Or what I also find helpful is to concentrate on your breathing, so you are distracted from thinking about the tube going down your throat.
Puking up the tube- Puking up the tube is a scary experience, it hangs out of you mouth-it is very uncomfortable. When this happens just stay calm and DO NOT pull the tube out through your mouth, pull it out though your nose.

I really hope this blog helped you. Ironically in the midst of writing this blog I threw up my tube! I am trialling without the tube, it is going well so far, however chemo tastes gross but I can handle it. Comment down below how you found your NG tube experience!

Thank you for reading,

Ellie

xxx

Mixing cancer with school

Before I got cancer I would walk through the school hallways barely getting a single glance, however now I have cancer I seem to be centre of attention- I almost feel like a celebrity at school. Recently I have been attending school on a regular basis, it is a lot of fun, but I don't really feel like I fit in anymore. My good friends even from before I got cancer don't know what to say to me, it is like being the new kid every single day. It doesn't really bother me, but for some other people I have talked to who also have cancer have said they hate being at school because of all the stares and how differently you are treated. School is much harder for me now, it is so much more tiring and school work doesn't come as easy to me as it did before. School really shows me how little energy I have, before I would do a full day of school and then run after school, however now a couple of hours tires me out, thats one thing I have found very hard- I just wish I had enough energy to do everything my friends are doing.

CHEMO BRAIN!!!

Before I got cancer I could easily memorise two pages of french writing in a week, but now with chemo brain it would probably take me 3 weeks! Chemo brain has been hard for me, just little things like forgetting something my mum told me or not being able to concentrate on school work without getting very tired. Does anyone else have this? It is very annoying and I am nervous that it will hold me back for the rest of my life, but I guess you kind of learn to live with it. I have a few tips to help with your chemo brain:

• Writing down things, or setting reminders on your phone.
• Taking regular breaks so you don't tire yourself out to much.
• Plenty of rest and eat healthy.
• Avoid chilling for too long in the day otherwise you don't really have the motivation to do anything productive. 
• Have a calendar.

Repeating a school year

Repeating the school year is often used as a sign of stupidity, but we aren't stupid, we just had to take several months off to kick cancer's butt- which is much more important! Even though having cancer was a horrid experience, we learnt more than you could ever teach in a school year- we learnt about medicines, medical procedures, types of cancers, listened to other people's stories, immersed ourself in hospital culture and most importantly learnt the true meaning of life- it was the best/worst gap year we could ever have!

I am going to miss my year a lot, and even though moving to a new year group is nerve-wracking it is also exciting. Think of it like this, you will be older than everyone else and if your school allows you then you get to go to TWO PROMS!!! I know it still isn't the ideal situation but we just have to make the best of it.

Dealing with questions from people at school.

Personally, I don't mind answering most questions people ask me, I think it is great as they are showing an interest and I want to teach people what having cancer is like. For some people going back to school is a place where they like to feel normal, so an abundance of questions about cancer isn't always what you want. I would simply say to the person asking you the question that you would rather not talk about cancer, I am sure they will respect your request.

Feeling like you don't belong

I wish I could walk around school without getting stares, I wish people who were my friends before would actually talk to me, I wish I wasn't seen so differently. Getting stares is very horrible at school, you feel self conscious as you have so many eyes watching you. Obviously it is a shock to see the kid who has been away with such a serious illness, but I have been at school for a couple of months now, surely you are used to me by now? It just feels like we don't fit in anymore, I don't really have a solution for this except to just wait and ignore the stares. The shock of seeing someone like us won't go away over night but it will get better with time, and just ignore the stares, I just walk with pride and strength. 

We are like celebrities, the school halls are our red carpet and the students are our paparazzi! (; 

Thank you for reading this blog post, I really hope you found this helpful. Mixing school and cancer can be hard but we just need to remember that we fought cancer, so whatever tough school situations are thrown at us, we can handle! 

Ellie xxx