I made it!!!

If you have been following my social media accounts you would know that I have recently completed all 9 of my Intensive chemotherapies and 28 sessions of Radiotherapy! Crazy right? It only seems like yesterday that I started my first ever intensive chemotherapy. The intensive chemotherapy is by far the hardest thing I've had to go through physically and mentally, it would wreck my body and my mind would be depressed. However, in a situation like this all you can do is fight, giving up may seem the easy option but we fight and show cancer that it won't defeat us!
Incase you were wondering my last intensive chemotherapy went very well, for the radiotherapy we dropped one of my chemotherapy drugs called Actinomycin D and that made all the difference. I didn't even really feel like I was having chemotherapy- I was able to eat which I never do on chemotherapy and I barely got any nausea! The side effects of Radiotherapy combined with chemotherapy was quite hard, but due to me feeling much better on chemotherapy I wasn't too worn out.
(Sorry if the video doesn't work, I've had a few problems uploading it)

As for Radiotherapy that was really tough! The first three weeks were pretty easy, but then the side effects really kicked in. I was extremely tired all the time, I lost my appetite and my skin was red and sore. Overall, it was much harder than I thought but I did enjoy going to radiotherapy as I was the centre of attention- for most of the five and a half weeks I was the only child there and the old people liked to fuss over me, I will miss them dearly. I will also miss the receptionists, they were so nice and always great to have a chat with. One of the biggest things I took from this experience was TATTOOS, for all of my life I have been adamant that I wouldn't ever get a tattoo but now I have 3 tiny tattooed dots, now I can confidently say that I was the first person to get a tattoo in my school year! Even though I've had a hard time with side effects, it was an amazing experience but I do enjoy chilling at home a million times more.

IT WAS TOUGH BUT I WAS TOUGHER!!!

Ellie xxx

I've been lying to you...

One of the mottos I have gone by since the start of my treatment is 'Cancer may have taken over my body, but not my personality.' and at the moment that is a lie. I have let the pain and struggles of having cancer effect my personality, I was determined it wasn't going to beat me but it has.
If you knew me before treatment I was up beat, very active and I stood up for what I believed in. That's just not me anymore. Ever since starting radiotherapy the side effects have made me down, slightly lose my fighting spirit and not believe I can do things. I see kids in the ward who have just had their chemo and they are running around like nutters, whereas there is me who isn't pushing themselves to even walk far without my wheelchair!
At the beginning I was strong and optimistic, I'm not saying that I'm not now but I have just let my anxiety get to me so much that I'm hardly the same person anymore! It's really upset me that my cancer has led me to this, I should be happy that treatment is nearly over but as much as I try to be happy; I can't.

Today is a start of something great-trying to find the old me hidden behind depression and anxiety.
I'm getting a therapist so I can learn how to deal with my anxiety and I'm going to try and push myself to do more things and finally believe I can do them again! I know the old me is screaming to come out but I have to sort out the new me before I can get back to the old me. It's going to be hard but it will be better for me and for you guys, my blogs will be better and Im also thinking of filming cancer advice youtube videos, and I can't really give the best advice if I'm not fully understanding my problems myself.

Thank you everyone for reading my blog! I can't wait to get back to the old me and I just want to say thank you for always supporting me- you guys have got me through!

I BEAT CANCER, SO I CAN BEAT THIS!!!!

Ellie xxx