I'm not a very poetic person but the words from that poem seemed to flow out of me. I've been dealing with anxiety for a few months now and it's something I feel very strongly about, in the aspect that I really want to help others with this horrible mental illness and I want to help bring awareness as I feel like people don't know the true extent of anxiety. Im going to be honest, before I had cancer I didn't really think anxiety was even a real thing, and I just thought it was a way of people to bring attention to themselves. I was so wrong, now experiencing it first hand I get how emotionally draining it is and how it can affect someone's whole life. I want to bring awareness to the people who are like the old me, as it's a much worse illness than is made out to be. Your brain controls everything you do, and when the one thing that controls my body start contradicting all that my body does, it's so tough!
Im going to tell you a little bit about my own experience with anxiety; it all started with my feeding tube. Before I had first gotten my feeding tube the nurse cleared with us the possible risks of having a feeding tube and the one that stuck out to me most was "Although this is very unlikely, your feeding tube could get stuck in your lung, so thats why you always have to check the pH of the drawed up liquid before starting feed.". What she said didn't truly start bothering me until about November 2015, after about a month of having the feeding tube. Due to being too ill to do much I would be at home most days, so my mind would have more time to think. I started thinking that the feeding tube would go into my lungs and fill them with liquid until I dry drowned. I used to be terrified and I would always analyse how my breathing was, but that didn't help as it would freak me out even more as I would think I wasn't breathing properly-I used to get scary panic attacks. My anxiety has progressed so much that I'm even scared to drink incase it somehow got into my lungs. You may say that it's so illogical, I know that but no matter what anyone says my brain finds a way of making it possible. Now anything is possible! The impossible happened, getting cancer, I know it's not impossible but in my own little happy bubble it seemed impossible.
Anxiety had taken over my whole life until recently- on Wednesday I had to have my feeding tube attempted to put down my throat three times resulting in two panic attacks, the anxiety of liquid or the feeding tube going into my lung took over! It's voice relentlessly agonising my mind but I was determined not to let the anxiety make me give up, and with that determination for the first time I was able to ignore the voice inside of my head and keep going, it was hard but I didn't give up! That for me was such a huge step to getting over this stupid part of me, I finally was able to ignore it, for the next time I get anxiety I will use that determination I had on Wednesday to get me through.
Symptoms of anxiety.
Anxiety can have psychological symptoms, such as:
- Feeling on edge or unable to relax
- Feeling irritable
- Having trouble concentrating
- Finding it hard to sleep
- Feeling tearful
- Needing frequent reassurance from people
Anxiety can also have physical symptoms, such as:
- A pounding heart beat
- Breathing faster
- Palpitations (Irregular heart beat)
- Feeling sick
- Chest pains
- Headaches
- Sweating
- Loss of appetite
- Feeling faint
- Needing the toilet more frequently
- Having "butterflies" in your tummy
How to cope with daily struggles of having anxiety.
Take time out- If you start feeling anxious, go and distract yourself. You could have a nice relaxing bath or have a walk around the block. Now that I'm at home a lot I get anxious more easily as I'm not busy, but when I start to feel anxious I like to watch Youtube videos or play with my pets.
Breathing- Panic attacks are some of the scariest experiences I've ever had, feeling like you can't breath is terrifying, so it's really helpful to learn how to breath, it can change a much more scared and panicked you to a calmer and relaxed you. I haven't actually been taught any breathing techniques myself but one of my mum's friends says he used to breath in and count to 3, then breath out and count to 3- he said this really helped him as it distracted him from the panic and made him focus. If you want to learn more about breathing techniques go to: http://www.anxietycoach.com/breathingexercise.html
Face your fears- As hard as this may seem it could really help, facing your fear could give you that boost you need to overcome anxiety. I fear that liquid or my feeding tube will go into my lung so getting my feeding tube changed was so hard for me but I faced my fear and did it! That has really given me the confidence and determination to overcome my fear and I'm sure it will for you too!
Don't expect everything to be perfect- You will have your good and bad days, unfortunately when you have anxiety thats what it's like. So don't expect to be healed quickly as stuff like this takes time and you're going to have your bad days but as time goes on you will have more good days.
Try to think realistically- I know this absolutely contradicts the mind set of someone with anxiety, anxiety totally contradicts all of your logic. I have been to a doctor about my anxiety and she taught me about how the throat works and where the airways are, this helped me a lot as now I can think a bit more logically if I start to feel anxious.
Aromatherapy- I have an aromatherapy diffuser on my beside table, most nights I diffuse lavender and it has definitely helped me with my sleeping. When my anxiety was worse I used to have trouble getting to sleep and this definitely helped a lot, lavender is known for its calming properties so it helps you relax at bedtime.
Alcohol and drugs are NOT the answer- Some people try to soothe their anxiety with alcohol and drugs, but neither of these are a medicine and they could even make your anxiety even worse! It may seem like an easy way out of your fears but it will make your feel a lot worse and the longterm side effects of alcohol and drug abuse is just not worth it and it won't stop your anxiety!
See a therapist- I haven't experienced one myself, however I'm going to in a couple of weeks. My sister Olivia had anxiety when I first got ill and I've asked her how it helps her, here's what she says "It's good to talk to someone, plus that it's someone you don't know they can't judge you. You tell them whats been happening and they can go through your problems and give you exercises to help you calm down.". From what Olivia has said it definitely seems like a great way to overcome your fears and help you cope with your anxiety.
Anxiety is extremely painful as you feel as if it won't ever go away, but with the right mindset and strength you can beat anxiety! It will be tough but I believe that you can do it! Without the support from the followers on my social media accounts, the nurses and doctors at the hospital, my friends and my family I don't think I could have done what I did on Wednesday- and that really shows what a great support network can do. So I want to help you anyway I can to get you to beat anxiety, anxiety shouldn't define us so we need to work together to beat it!
I really hope this blog post helped or inspired you in some way.
If you ever want to talk or need advice message me on:
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Ellie xxx
