I'm not sure what changed my mind from then to now, but I can confidently say that I am more than ready for remission! I am ready to not feel tired all of the time, I am ready to not feel achy all over and I am ready to get back to a bit of normality. What excites me more than anything about remission is getting my energy back. I cant wait to get back into sports, I hope to start off by doing swimming and then do running again when my body has recovered. I am especially excited to get back into full time school, I love school and it is extremely frustrating for me that I don't have the energy to go in as much as I would like. With my aspirations of becoming a doctor, I need to get the best grades possible, so I can't wait to work my butt off in remission!
Of course, I still have my anxieties about remission. My biggest anxiety is relapse, I don't want cancer to stop my life again. I want to be able to live my life without any disruptions. I wish I could be certain that I won't relapse, but unfortunately no one knows. I just need to remember to live each day to the full and to not worry about tomorrow. One of the things that made me nervous about remission is that I thought no one would care about my blogs or videos anymore, but I realise that I have such a HUGE network of support that are always cheering me on, and I know you guys will stay by my side throughout.
Remission is going to be an eye-opening new chapter of my life. It will be interesting to see how I, the perfectly programmed cancer kid, adjusts to life as a normal kid. I don't think I will realise how different it feels until I am there. I hope to experience great memories and achieve all my ambitions. I am mostly scared that I will forget all I have learnt from my cancer journey, but I have realised that I haven't learnt from my cancer journey, I've grown. My cancer journey will always follow me wherever I go, and I know that I will never forget it, I just need to know that it is okay to move on.
Thank you for reading!
Love Ellie xxx
